One of the Hardest Words to Say
by TT-5
Summary: 1940 - Before Flight Lieutenant Foyle leaves to join his squadron there are a few people he needs to see and some conversations he needs to have. Slight canon divergence; includes the Reid family mentioned in some of my other stories.


1940

One of the things Andrew had been dreading about this trip home were the conversations he needed to have with Maggie and Grace Reid. He was looking forward to _seeing_ them but he didn't know how he was supposed to explain his upcoming role in the war.

He hadn't said anything before training, although he knew Mr. and Mrs. Reid knew where he was going and why. It was just a different type of school as far as the girls were concerned, not really different then when he was up at Oxford.

It was different now though; he'd be going into combat with a fairly high (certainly higher than he'd admit to Dad) chance of never coming home again. He knew saying goodbye to Dad would be difficult but at least he could understand the reasons why he had to go, as could Auntie Alice and Uncle Charles.

Maggie and Gracie were only 7 and nearly 5 though and Andrew didn't know how he was supposed to say everything he needed to say without frightening them but he knew he needed to try. Which is why he'd told Dad last night that he needed to speak to Maggie and Grace after church and had asked him to accept Mrs. Reid's inevitable invitation to lunch.

Dad had done just that and now, after a delicious lunch and helping with the washing up, Andrew was trying to figure out how best to say goodbye to the two little girls he loved like his own baby sisters. They were 14 and 16 years younger then him respectively which meant he got all the fun of them being small with very little of the irritation.

He stood in the doorway to the living room and watched them play and trying to sear the image into his mind forever. Suddenly Grace looked up and smiled at him, "Come play Andrew!" Andrew grinned and was soon sitting on the floor with them, drinking imaginary tea and politely conversing with Maggie's dolly.

Unbeknownst to him Foyle had taken his place in the doorway and was watching them with a wistful smile on his lips. The reality that they found themselves in, another world war that his son was hours away from flying into, was so incongruent with the scene before him that the whole thing felt like a dream that had every possibility of turning into a nightmare.

Foyle felt Hugh stop beside him and glanced up in time to see a soft smile settle on his friend's face. They watched for a few more minutes and then Hugh, who was fully aware of Andrew's desire to speak to each girl individually, cleared his throat, causing all the tea party attendees to look up.

"Sorry to interrupt tea but Mummy needs your help in the kitchen Maggie." Maggie nodded and after politely excusing herself (much to the silent amusement of her father) took his hand and led the way to the kitchen. Foyle nodded at Andrew's questioning look and gave his son an encouraging smile before turning to follow them.

Grace turned to Andrew, "Andrew can we go to the kitchen too? Maybe Mummy made biscuits!"

Andrew chuckled, "I'm not sure she's had enough time to make biscuits Gracie, besides I want to talk to you for a moment." He stood and then lifted her high above his head making her giggle with delight before settling them in one of the armchairs.

She looked like an angel with her golden curls and dimples and Andrew's heart swelled painfully in his chest. He loved her so very much and more then anything he wanted to watch her grow up. But he also wanted her to grow up in a world that was safe, free from the evil ideas of men like Hitler, and there was only one way that he could try and make sure that happened.

He took a deep breath, "Gracie, have your Mummy and Daddy told you what the war is?"

Grace nodded, "A bad man is being mean to lots of people but there are lots of good men and they are going to stop him so I don't have to be scared 'cause Mummy and Daddy will keep me safe."

"That's right. I'm going to try and keep you safe too Gracie. Tomorrow I'm going away to fly spitfires and try and make sure the bad planes can't hurt you or anyone else."

Grace considered this for a moment and then frowned and snuggled closer, "Don't want you to go Andrew, I miss you when you're away."

Andrew sighed and kissed the top of her head, "I miss you too Gracie. Do you remember what Reverend Matthews' said in church today, about being brave in the face of danger?"

Grace frowned slightly, "Like when there's thunder and Maggie tells me not to be scared 'cause storms can't come inside?"

Andrew smiled softly, "Yes, just like that. There's lots of ways to be brave Gracie and you've been very brave about me having to go away to school. This isn't that much different, I just won't be able to come home as often."

It was as close as he'd ever come to truly lying to one of the girls. Going to be a spitfire pilot and studying at Oxford bore no resemblance to each other at all, but he didn't want her to know that.

"But I don't like you being away." Grace protested, scowling at the prospect.

Andrew sighed, "I know Gracie, I don't like it either but I need to go so I can help keep people safe." He paused and then took her hands and carefully placed one over her heart and the other over his. "What do you feel?"

"Our heartbeats."

"That's right, they feel the same don't they?" Grace nodded and Andrew kissed her forehead tenderly before ducking his head to catch her eye as he continued, his voice very gentle. "That's because I'm in your heart and you're in mine. It doesn't matter how far away I am Gracie, I'll always be with you. Whenever you miss me all you have to do is put a hand over your heart and think of me because I'll always be there, no matter what."

Grace nodded and Andrew gathered her into a hug, holding her close for a long minute. "I love you very much Gracie, I want you to promise me that you'll always remember that alright?"

"I promise, I love you too Andrew."

The hug lasted for several minutes before Andrew finally drew back and kissed the top of her head saying, "Hugs always help so if you're ever feeling sad or scared, ask your Mummy or Daddy or Maggie for a hug alright?"

Grace nodded earnestly, "Do you think it's been enough time for Mummy to make biscuits yet?"

Andrew laughed and lifted her off his lap before getting to his feet, "I'm not sure, why don't we go and find out?"

Mrs. Reid hadn't had time to make biscuits but she had brewed a fresh pot of tea and there were biscuits from the day before so everyone was happy. Andrew was especially happy because Gracie wasn't at all upset. She had simply accepted what he'd told her and moved on with a speed that only small children seem to possess.

Instead of returning to the living room they all stayed in the kitchen and Andrew couldn't help being glad they did. He had always liked the Reids' kitchen and he'd spent a fair amount of time in it over the years, especially after Mum died.

He used to come over after school almost every day when Grace was a baby. Dad had said it was so he could help Mrs. Reid; she'd had a hard time with Grace and Mr. Reid was very worried about leaving her on her own at first.

Andrew also knew it was because Dad didn't want him to be by himself in an empty house for hours and truth to tell it wasn't something Andrew had wanted either. He'd much preferred coming to the Reids, eating Mrs. Reid's delicious cooking, answering her motherly questions about school and playing with Maggie and Gracie.

He took another sip of tea and tried to soak in as much of the room's warmth as he could, trying not to wonder how long it would be before he was back here again. The thought must have shown on his face though because Dad gave him a worried look.

Andrew forced a smile and took a gulp of tea trying to ease the lump in his throat. He needed to order his thoughts, he knew Maggie would have more questions than Grace had and a hug wasn't going to be answer enough.

He looked around, smiling softly at the sight of Grace sitting in Mr. Reid's lap rubbing sleepily at her eyes, a sure sign that naptime was fast approaching. He glanced out the window into the back garden and found the opening he needed. "Maggie you haven't showed me your flowers yet, why don't you and I go out and see if they need some water?"

Maggie nodded eagerly and grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the door while Mr. Reid held onto a squirming Grace who wanted to come too. "You showed them to Andrew last time Gracie, it's Maggie's turn now…"

Andrew didn't hear the rest but he knew Mr. Reid would make sure he had the time he needed to speak to Maggie; now he just needed to figure out what to say. He thought hard as he helped her water the small flowerbed that she and Gracie were responsible for and then took the watering can from her and set it down.

Taking her hand he led her to the stairs, sitting down on the second to last one and lifting her into his lap. For a long moment he just held her and then he took a deep breath and drew back slightly so he could see her face.

She was wearing a worried little frown and Andrew smiled reassuringly, "You know I'm going away again tomorrow?" Maggie nodded, "Well I'm not going back to Oxford this time, I'm going somewhere else so I can fly spitfires."

"For the war?"

"Yes, I'm a pilot now so I'll be trying to make sure none of the bad planes can hurt you or anyone else."

Maggie nodded but she was still frowning, "But…couldn't the bad planes hurt you?"

This was exactly the type of question Andrew had been worried about. He took a deep breath, "Yes they could but that's why my teachers made me work so hard the last few weeks so I'd know how to do everything I need to do to stay safe."

"Did you pass?"

Andrew frowned, "Pass what?"

"Your test about how to stay safe." Maggie's expression was serious but Andrew couldn't help grinning.

"Yes I passed, so you don't have to worry I know everything I need to know to stay safe."

Maggie laid her head on his shoulder, "Do you have to go?"

Andrew swallowed hard and nodded, "Yes Maggie I have to go."

"Do you promise to be careful?" Maggie asked quietly, her expression so much more serious then it ought to be at seven.

Andrew nodded again, "Yes, I do and I want you to promise me something too." He paused and kissed her forehead gently before drawing back to look her in the eye. "I may have to be away for a very long time Maggie and I want you to promise that you'll always remember that I love you and I'm proud of you. It doesn't matter how old you get, that will never change. Can you do that for me Maggie?"

Maggie nodded and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, "I promise. I love you Andrew."

"I love you too Maggie, forever and always."

He kept her close for a few minutes and then dropped a kiss on her head and grinned down at her, "Now what do you say we go and see if Gracie wants to read a story?"

"Will you do your special voices?" Maggie asked eagerly, "I like that best, you do them almost as well as Daddy."

Andrew grinned, "High praise indeed! And yes, I'll do the special voices, now come on." Grace had been thrilled by the idea of a story and they were soon settled on the settee, Grace on his lap and Maggie nestled into his side so they could both see the pictures.

Unsurprisingly Grace fell asleep part way through and by the end of the story Maggie's head was resting on his shoulder. Andrew put the book down and watched them; this was what they were fighting for, who he'd be fighting for and suddenly it seemed manageable. Nothing could be more important than keeping Maggie and Gracie safe.

He kissed their heads gently and held them close, never noticing that Dad and Mr. and Mrs. Reid were standing in the doorway. ' _Saying goodbye is difficult but saying I love you makes it easier._ ' That's what Mum had always said when Uncle Charles left on deployment and she was right, he'd just never known how right until this moment.

The End


End file.
